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After every sexual escapade my friends and I enjoyed in college, we'd ask each other one very big, important question: "Was he packing the heat?
It's almost comical to think having a big penis equates to good sex, because, honestly -- and this is something I wish I could scream at my early something self -- that's just total bullshit. Because those are still great.
Blow jobs are absolute nightmares
But it does mean how you use it will almost always trump size. And sometimes too big can be, well, a problem. Just ask these nine gals who agreed to share their too-big-penis horror stories.
One way big dicks totally suck is for blow jobs. One guy I dated has a wide and really long penis, and that made giving one pretty awful. I was literally gagging all over the thing to the point it felt like I could throw up -- and just drooling saliva everywhere.
I kept having to stop and take breaks, which made it harder for to him finish. With a small penis, you can put the entire thing in your mouth, and they finish in like five minutes.
I obviously didn't have much to compare it to. But I knew when I first saw it I was taken aback big time It was like losing my virginity again and again every time we had sex.
I had to, like, gear up for it. It got really good, actually. That also came with just getting more comfortable. But when you come out the gate with something like that, every other penis you see seems sorta average. I refused to even have sex with him, it was too wide. We went our separate ways, and later I found out he decided to actually get surgery to make it smaller.
He was super hot, really tall I may rip you in two. We ended up not having sex. Mainly because we were both drunk, and he had a bit of whiskey dick.
So I guess there can be such a thing as too big. A new level of cocky.
Um, you still have to actually be good at sex. That big penis isn't going to do everything for you.
If a guy is into me, he probably has a big penis. And the next day have to pop, like, two Aleve because I was so sore. Big penises can also inhibit the positions you can do.
Doggy style was just a total no-go because it went way too deep, and even on top was tricky. They are a serious issue with guys who have big wangs. One guy I dated was so big, it just seemed like none of them worked.
Guys with huge penises have less sex, not more
It would always fall out, and a couple of times it broke, which was terrifying. You also need tons and tons of lube. It just interrupts everything, all the starting and stopping. You either need to adjust the condom, or add more lube. When I was dating that guy, I swear we went through like a bottle of lube every couple of weeks. Things can get awfully messy "One night I went home with this guy I'd met.
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We basically stumbled into his place, not even bothering to turn a light on anywhere. I get a glimpse of his cock in the light of a lamppost outside and it's huge My drunk self decides I can take this and I'm so drunk and so horny that we get to it and he goes in dry. Hurts at first and then I'm getting wetter and wetter and it's crazy. Anyways, everything reaches its conclusion and he gets up to go for the inevitable post-coital piss. On his way out he flicks on the light. There is blood everywhere. Between him splitting me open and the lack of foreplay, his bed has turned into that hallway from The Shining.
And I'm so drunk and embarrassed I throw on my clothes and 30 seconds later I'm running out of his house barefoot with blood down my legs. Liz Newman is a freelance writer for Thrillist, and wonders if you can guess which story is in fact her own.
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